Don't cut unless I say cut

Keep the camera rolling. Nate would you get a wide angle shot from the balcony on the other side of the road? No, on second thought come closer lets do a close up, actually, just do what ever you want just keep me off center. Let's give it to them straight this time.

I keep running into old childhood friends and they're always telling me how they've just been accepted to medical school or they're about to get their MBA or they've just received a scholarship to some university, and I'm still struggling to get out of my bed in the morning. The past three nights I've tried to make a list of all the reasons to get up in the morning, to go to work, to eat, to get sober, all the reasons not to crash my car, all the reasons to continue to survive and let me tell you, it's not impressive, it's got two items on it.

So I'm writing this outback behind my work and I've just finished my cigarette, it was one of those sage colored ones Soley told me I needed to try. And to my left is a man with blonde hair and some scruff--he's and ex-heroin addict-- and he's wearing brown hiking boots and smoking some type of camel cigarette and he tried to start a conversation with me but I'm no good at that. I'm not really sure what in trying to say here, I guess it's nothing, I'm just trying to give it to you straight. Where I am in life, how insignificant my existence is. This has become routine. So I've stopped drinking and I've stopped smoking pot and I've stopped using all chemicals and substances. And I'm trying to get better, I'm trying to focus on the positive and focus on my breath and the way the mountains look at night time when there's a full moon, and in struggling. But I think I'll be okay.

I don't like the people I work with, I'm terrified of becoming like them. I'm losing all desire for a real future for myself, I'm losing my appetite. I'm sick of putting off and putting it pretty and making people work to understand what I'm saying, what I'm trying to get of my lungs, so here it is: I'm not happy. And I'd like to change but it's far too difficult to wake in the morning.